"As I think about what to say in writing about Gray I can't seem to put into words what I feel. But as I think about my relationship with him I think of imagery - lovely settings and beautiful talks. At Ft. DeSoto Park when he taught me to Rollerblade, on your side patio when we both talked about your new home, riding bikes to Brittania Lake when you were in Ottawa. That makes me think that the pastel I gave to Gray is the best way to say what I feel about him - he helped me see the beauty in things all around me. He illuminated my experiences when we were together.
"So, if you want to, please use the pastel (shown at the top of this web page) in the memorial booklet and web page as my remembrance. Gray told me when he saw me last (the weekend of May 15, 1998) that he thought those days were magical days - we shared the imagery of shining trees and perfect outlines when we took our bike ride. Marvelous memories."
- Pegie Stark Adam, The Poynter Institute

"Gray and I have had many laughs together, but I think my favorite was when he came over to my house to install my new Mac, as a favor. He did everything, hooked everything up, was very 'professional,' and then said, 'okay, you're set' ... hit the buttons to turn on computer ... and then, nothing - no lights, nothing. I looked at him and looked at the wall and said 'you idiot, you forgot to plug it in!' And his answer was 'whoopsie' ... and he plugged it in! We rolled. I loved him so much. So much."
- Jill Wilt, St. Pete Times

"Gray once asked me to be his wife - for a day. He wanted to buy the Miata in Sarasota, but he knew he would be a push-over for the salesman. I told him it was better if you made them contend with two people (preferably the wife who wasn't happy about the sports car) so off we went. After sitting in the office getting the usual schtick, I listened patiently as the bad cop, letting my facial expressions be stoic. When the salesman rolled out the figure, I told Gray I needed to talk to him - outside. The salesman nodded and watched as we appeared to discuss my reservations about the whole thing. We were really asking each other about our weekend plans and when we could get together again! (The price had already come down since Gray started, so we were both satisfied with that.)"
- Liz Beyer

"I was privileged to spend time each week with Gray for almost two years, working on our auto dealership's ad campaign for the Times featuring the cartoon character 'Craven Bamboozle.' Craven's adventures were a composite of all the horror stories you have ever heard about car salesmen or auto dealers. He is the kind of guy who would gladly sell his own mother a lemon at full sticker price. Gray was the graphic artist 'assigned' (so we thought) to the project that we had created. Within a couple of weeks, this quirky, funny man was an irreplaceable part of our team.
"What I didn't know until well into the campaign was that Gray did not have individual accounts at the Times. The two hours I was privileged to spend each week with Gray for almost two years was his gift to Mark and me (and later on, to Sue Monty, who had become part of the production team). Gray performed his computer magic to make Craven literally jump off the pages of the Times - in print and online. He would never acknowledge it, but he played a big role in offending the local automobile dealers and salesmen whose tricks we lampooned on a weekly basis, all on behalf of the driving public. It is difficult to imagine this project in the future without Gray's involvement, but he remains an inspiration to us, and Craven Bamboozle will ride again. We will miss Gray always."
- Cosby Swanson, Mark Dubowski, Sue Monty, Times advertising clients

"Susan Fischer and myself, Renee' Knettle-Dermott, attended USF and had Gray as an instructor. He made me realize how much I loved advertising. He taught me many new skills on the Macintosh that I didn't know. He was a caring and outgoing teacher and person. Our sympathy is with his family and friends and our prayers are with him."
- Renee' Dermott, former student

"Gray was a bright, shining light. He was gentle, kind, talented, smart, caring, generous with his time and his talent, and a young man with impeccable manners. I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone. He was goodness itself.
"This whole tragedy reminds us of how fragile life is, and how precious. Gray's example was a gift to all who knew him. Perhaps our greatest gift to him is to try to embody those same shining traits in our lives and in our work."
- Donna Clark, St. Pete Times

"I'm sad that I won't have the opportunity to see and hear the tribute to Gray. I worked side by side with Gray for the better part of 10 years - in fact, I'm proud to say I had the good sense to hire Gray as an intern way back when. He went on to become one of the most talented, productive, and successful staffers the Times has ever seen.
"Someone said recently that Gray impacted more people throughout the Times than anyone else they could think of. That is a profound statement about Gray, and frankly, I agree. His artistic and computer talent, skills as a manager, and engaging personality had significant impact on staffers in News, Advertising, Marketing (of course) and almost every other department.
"His design work was fabulous and there are many wonderful examples. Whether it was an elegant invitation for the opening of the Times new building or a quarter page production ad, Gray was always enthusiastic, eager to please, and put 110% into whatever he did.
"One major contribution Gray made to the Marketing Department AND to the entire company was on a more personal note. Gray's openness about his sexual orientation and your relationship was so straightforward, so matter-of-fact, and so wholesome, that others in the department (and I think, throughout the company) became more comfortable in doing the same. I don't mean to say that Gray staged a one-person sexual revolution, but he made a significant impact in how we related to each other. By following his lead, we became friends, not just working colleagues.
"Gray had many wonderful, childlike qualities: his boyish grin, his eagerness to please, his enthusiasm, his loyalty. And yet, he had much wisdom and maturity when it came to helping us through the latest reorganization. Or fixing a troubling computer problem. Or dealing with a difficult personnel issue. He's also the only person I ever met who routinely used 'was' and 'is' in the same sentence.
"In the final analysis, he loved everyone. Or at least made us believe he did. Made us feel smarter. Better. More attractive. More successful. Just by flashing us that fabulous grin. And we loved him. And will miss him so much."
- Kristin Brett, former co-worker and boss

"Gray was the ultimate artist, and always the one I turned to in Marketing to help me put a unique twist - or the right 'touch' - on the ads and booklets we worked on together. I also used Gray as my personal computer support technician, and never once did he complain that he didn't have time to help me. Not once.
"I was most impressed on the occasional Sunday I'd come into the office and I'd see Gray in his office, quietly working. I'd ask what he was doing, and he said he was learning something new for his professional development. I was very impressed he'd do that on his precious time off."
- Kathy Maag, former co-worker, now in California

"In addition to all that the two of you shared, Gray was an unusual and good person whose personality was sharply and memorably defined. I knew him for a relatively short period. But after every occasion we were together, I would remark to Pegie how, despite the difference in our ages, I found in Gray an interesting voice and companion. The two of us - I suppose I can only truly speak for myself - were always happy to be together when you and Pegie were discussing your Poynter obsessions. For my part, it wasn't just because I had an opportunity to rant about politics and my work in the presence of a sympathetic companion. It was because he always said very interesting things in reply about his work and his view of the public world. Our conversations were engaging, warm, lively, and witty. I admired his intelligence and wit as much as I admired his character.
"So I will miss him. I will also miss being with the two of you - and the four of us."
- Stuart Adam, Vice-President, Carleton University, Ottawa

"I've been thinking so much about Gray. Since I was told what was going on back in May I've been compulsively thinking about a person who, for all intents and purposes, was just this nice guy I knew from parties and social functions, a casual acquaintance from work. It would be enough to say that I have been touched by Gray's illness and passing because he was such a friend to so many of my friends, but it's more than that.
"I've been affected personally by this because, despite not knowing each other well, despite my mostly peripheral role in his life, Gray smiled at me. Gray smiled a huge and wonderful smile at me - every time I saw him. The warmest and most inviting greeting was always Gray's. Few people have ever made me feel more at home or more at ease, few people have ever made such an attempt to make everyone in a gathering feel completely welcome and wanted. This is a part of the legacy of friendship that Gray leaves behind and I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
"I don't have any real GRAY stories to tell or share but I have been listening to and enjoying other people's this week. I do have several general memories of you and Gray, the most important one, you may not even remember. There was an evening last year when I wandered down to the Cockney Rebel, alone and in a foul mood, hoping to just wallow in a beer for an hour or so. When I got there you guys were perched at the end of the bar. I was prepared to just smile and nod and acknowledge your presence politely, but before I could even react to your being there, you guys broke into grins and greetings and had me sitting with you at the bar, blabbing and gossiping and generally having a lovely time. Without even realizing it you guys lifted my spirits and put a smile on my face. I left the bar kinda dazed and amazed and grinned all the way home. And I've thought about that evening a lot this month."
- Amy Morrison, St. Pete Times

"Gray really made me feel like a friend even though we saw each other only at one of the journalism conventions once or twice a year. No matter where - San Diego for the Society of Newspaper Design or Washington for the American Society of Newspaper Editors - Gray always asked me about my drawings, and he praised my ability, also. He always said he admired my taking the time to draw - which made me feel guilty, since I never seem to take enough time to draw. I think he knew that, and I think he was trying to encourage me to do more.
"A few weeks ago, I bought a sketch book and three colored pencils - True Blue, Canary Yellow and Magenta - that I planned to send to Gray when he was feeling well enough to do some sketching.
"I have a feeling he was genuinely interested in other folks' lives, also, and I hope - because of Gray - I have learned to be open to asking others about their ideas and progress and success.
"He was comforting, he was likeable, he was handsome, he was funny, he was kind. I'll never forget seeing you two in line for a photo op with Al Gore at the Vice President's lawn party, and how proud I was that two men, a couple, could have their picture taken - had the courage and pride to have their picture taken - with the Vice President of the United States. I'll never forget how you both invited me, a third wheel, to join you at dinner afterward.
"I have another wonderful shot of Gray, the one I took of him completing a lap at the pool in San Diego during SND. I sent you a copy. He is perfect in that picture, and perfect is what he was."
- J Ford Huffman, Gannett News Service, Washington, D.C.

"I always remember the first time I saw you and Gray together - the Times' party celebrating Sheryl James' Pulitzer Prize, at the Coliseum. You and he were dancing with Anne Glover, and several plastic lobsters and other decorations borrowed from the buffet tables. I had no idea how long you'd been together or even if you were together yet - but it was obvious you two were cooking up something grand. As a couple, you glowed with a joy that, from what I saw, never waned.
"When Gina and I lived in the neighborhood, we took walks in the evenings and sometimes passed your first house. (No, we weren't stalking you!) Sometimes (when we weren't so rude as to actually knock on your door), we'd see you and Gray sitting on the couch, watching TV inside your beautiful home. And we'd breathe a sigh filled with both envy and awe. (I don't exaggerate „æthese are thoughts I've always had whenever you and Gray come to mind.)"
- Helen A.S. Popkin, former co-worker, now in New York

"Max and I keep talking about the time we spent at your first house, watching the girls when we had been together only three weeks. We called your place The Honeymoon Hideaway and we had so much fun there with Gabbie and Squirt. Your home was so cozy and you and Gray were so sweet to us. I remember we kept saying to each other that we wanted what you two guys had.
"You told me about saving Gray's little, stupid notes he would leave for you, notes like, 'I went to the store - Be back soon' ... just dumb notes. Well, I've been saving Max's notes for close to four years now, so I understand. The love we saw between you and Gray inspired us, gave us hope and made us grateful to have a couple to look up to when we needed an example of a duo making it work."
- Gina Vivinetto, St. Pete Times

"Ron, very shortly after learning the sad news of Gray's passing I found out I am going to be a grandfather for the first time. When I think of this baby and the coming of a new life, I can't help but think of my dear friend Gray. The two intertwine.
"I see the relationship between Gray's death and the news of this grandchild. If as some say one life ends, another begins, then I hope that my grandchild will inherit so much of what made Gray special. For me there were many types of 'Gray smiles' - and every Gray smile was as radiant as the guy who displayed it. When you and I would giggle in our usual way while recounting some funny story about someone, Gray simply looked at us as if we were the bad boys (which we were, of course). That was the 'C'mon guys, stop being bad' smile. But when my wife Maria told him stories about our schnauzers, then there was the 'I can top that schnauzer story' smile. And once, in San Diego, when I got too carried away with my running escapades during the SND race, Gray gave me that 'Well, Mario, enough exaggerating' smile. I loved them all.
"I hope my grandchild will get the Gray smile. The rest should come with it. And I know Gray is smiling now, especially Saturday during his memorial, and saying: 'C'mon, Ron, enough about me. Don't be bad. Don't exaggerate ... and feed them all a great meal.' "
- Mario Garcia, The Poynter Institute

"This is not really a story, but an observation about Gray. You know the picture that appeared in the obituary? That was a perfect Gray look, and when I saw it, it struck me what was so special about him. Whenever I would run into him, at work or other places, he would give you that look that said, 'You were just the one I had hoped to see.' For me, it happened every time I saw him - what incredible depth of character to be able to make someone feel like that!"
- Lynn Gervais, former co-worker

"I knew Gray when he had some hair back in 1985 (or '86) when we both worked at Tampa General Hospital. He was the graphic artist and I was one of the writers on the Corporate Communications team. We were all very new at our jobs which was to develop brochures and all other written materials for the hospital. When we were to be moved to our new 'office,' actually a trailer on stilts that we called the outhouse, we (me and the other writer) claimed the windows because we needed greater inspiration. He didn't argue because he found windows distracting.
"We truly worked as a team because we learned (us copywriters, a photographer, and Gray) we had to develop procedures on how to get work produced. It was very enlightening for us all! He designed the first four-color brochure I ever wrote (actually, booklet) for the Childbirth Center. Believe it or not, it took nine months for us to get it completed from the first interviews to the first copies from the printer! (We had a lot of artist and writer wannabes on staff). I think we celebrated that with food.
"One of my favorite projects with Gray was working on the Pain Management package. I saw from your slides on the web that he posed for the photo resource for a Jazz Holiday poster he was working on. He also posed (at least his arm did!) for the reversed out ad (is that the proper terminology? white letters against a black background) we created. Every time I looked at the ad and brochure, I thought of Gray.
"I regret that Gray and I didn't keep in close contact after he left Tampa General. We joked about where he was going because I used to work at the Times and knew people he worked with. I called him every time I changed jobs and we never did get together to have lunch, although I now work in the St. Pete/Gateway area."
- Emily Stehle

"So many memories of him, so many good times we shared together ...
"He took me to Bern's to celebrate my 23rd birthday - I'd lost a lot of weight, wore a strapless dress, and we felt so grownup. We used to ride our bikes up Fourth Street, along the bay, and North Shore. He was my steady movie date, lunch date, go-grab-something-at-the-Tramor date. When I got married, I wore pearl earrings that he'd given me one Christmas. When he finally got his Miata, he picked me up in the Times parking lot and took me for a ride. I told him his head was aerodynamically designed for a Miata convertible, and he laughed so hard. I was one of the only people who got a way with the no-hair jokes, since I knew him when he had hair. We got yogurt at Lisa's and went and sat by Mirror Lake a few years ago when I told him I was pregnant - he was one of the first to know.
"Gray and I had to go to this insanely boring awards banquet in Tampa one Friday, must be 10 years ago now. We decided we needed to end the evening on a better note, and we had kidded how we'd never seen each other intoxicated. (Okay, so we were 20-something... and acting it!) So, on the way home to our apartments on Coquina Key, we stopped and got two bottles of Sutter Home (on sale!), figuring we'd split one, save the other for later. I think we stayed up till 2 a.m., drank both bottles, and read through my journals from Ringling - great material, believe me. We were warm and fuzzy, just nicely inebriated, and had such a blast sitting on the floor of my apartment laughing ourselves silly at all the crazy things we went through at Ringling.
"I hate that life got so busy in the past few years that we didn't spend enough time together, but I believe he knows how much me means to me, and how much I loved him. There are things that cannot be put into words, and this is one of them: just that feeling of, 'oh, if you only knew this guy as long and as well as I did.' I want the world to know what a great loss we have suffered, how this one man made a difference, in big and small ways in so many lives, and especially in mine, just by his being alive."
- Pam Willoughby, Ringling chum and former co-worker

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UPDATED: July 27, 1998
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